Self-compassion is a concept that comes from Buddhism. Self-compassion has existed in eastern culture for many years, but in the last 10 years, the concept of self-compassion has started to take place in the field of psychology in western culture. According to Western philosophy, showing compassion is often a motivation to help others through their suffering. According to Eastern philosophy, to be understanding and compassionate towards others, they must first be compassionate towards themselves. Compassion is a feeling of psychological well-being that is shown not only to the suffering of others but also to the suffering of the individual. To understand the concept of self-compassion, first, it is necessary to know what the concept of “compassion” means.
A person who can show compassion to others recognizes the pain of another and carries with him the desire to alleviate the pain. Compassion, instead of criticizing or judging a person who is wrong or unsuccessful; considers faulty human behaviors as natural processes that can happen to all people. Compassion is the desire to be understanding towards the mistakes of others, to understand the pain of others, and to relieve the pain of others; Self-compassion also includes similar behaviors that the individual shows towards himself in cases of failure and inadequacy.
People have experienced painful negative events many times in their lives. As Buddha stated 2500 years ago, all individuals suffer one or more times in their lives. The healthy approaches of individuals against negative experiences, failures, and painful events are among the important issues that positive psychology is interested in today. In this context, in addition to concepts such as “self-esteem” and “self-efficacy”, which can be defined as healthy approaches in positive psychology, the concept of “self-compassion” has entered the literature.
No one can save you but yourself. Be the light yourself. Buddha
Components of Self Compassion
When we are in a difficult situation, when we are in pain, we constantly criticize ourselves. Why me? The reason why it hurts is my fault? I’ve never been able to do it anyway!! How cruel are we to ourselves? Let’s switch roles; Have a friend in pain or in a difficult situation? Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be even more successful next time! Please don’t suffer, because if it wasn’t for this situation, you wouldn’t have had such an experience. We take a lot of positive approaches like these. How cruel we can be when it comes to ourselves. Here Self Compassion is our kind approach to ourselves. Self-Compassion is accepting the situation as it is when we make a mistake. It allows us to be ready for change, be patient, and motivate ourselves positively without criticizing ourselves.
Awareness of Sharing (Common Stakeholder)
To be part of a whole. Anyone can make mistakes, and everyone can fail, it’s all about accepting the notions of part of life. People who understand my common stakeholder see the problems they encounter as a natural part of their life, instead of isolating themselves from other people. The individual who experiences negative emotions becomes aware that when his intense emotions subside, everything is not “because of me” or “my fault”, it is due to some universal reasons, that feeling sad, and suffering can be felt by all people.
Millions of people live in the universe, and everyone has their own positive or negative experiences. We are never alone.
Awareness and Self Compassion are interrelated. Mindfulness is about making direct contact with our present experiences by accepting them and without judgment. Living in the past or the future, and missing the present is a mistake many of us make. We are happy when we sit in front of a beautiful view. But when we look at this view and think about what will happen the next day or what happened last week, happiness disappears. Sometimes we become prisoners of our thoughts and emotions. Thoughts run through our minds even if we don’t want them to. Now we have become our thoughts. They begin to rule us.
Sometimes we act with the judgments we create in our minds, not what is going on around us and inside us. We analyze everything, we try to interpret it. We look with our brains, not with our eyes. This intense effort to make sense of it causes us not to feel what is going on.
People with high awareness levels become aware of their problems in negative life events, instead of focusing too much on the problem situation. This process helps the person to understand himself by preventing him from making negative judgments. In short, Awareness can be described as a mental state obtained through observing one’s thoughts, feelings, and body to answer the question “What am I living through right now”.
People with low awareness become integrated with their pain. This situation is called identification with pain. When the person is too caught up in the pain he experienced, he falls into the traps of negative feelings and thoughts about himself. Since the mind of the individual is full of these negative emotions, feelings of self-compassion can also be inhibited.
You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. Jon Kabat-Zinn
On the Self-Compassionate Approach
Studies have shown that self-compassionate individuals get more satisfaction from life and self-compassion undertakes a preventive task against negative emotional states such as depression, anxiety, and stress.
Bad things can happen to any of us. None of us may have all-around success. The important thing is to get up with our self-respect, with the same respect every time we fall, and return to that struggle for life with our awareness. Self-Compassion is a journey that can be developed. You must continue your journey by increasing your positive attitude every day.
Author: Merve Yalım Toprakhisar
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